Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
