my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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