there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
