just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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