Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
