walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dignity is for republicans.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
