you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
