some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
