She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
