So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
