I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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