your room smells of hookers.
And success
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
