just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize