Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
