i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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