I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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