who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
