break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
