Joe is yelling at the trees again.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
