FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
