that's an acceptable place to lick
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You were trust falling into bushes
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The adults are the big ones right?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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