Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
