not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
