I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
