I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
