i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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