you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
