I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The air was thick with penises
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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