I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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