i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
