I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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