At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
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