hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
