cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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