at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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