weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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