He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
