My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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