i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I love having hate sex.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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