life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
