I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
