Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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