woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
