It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
