They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
