Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
