Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
