i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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