how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
