I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
