Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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