there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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