She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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