No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
