You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
