he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
