Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize