he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
