it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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