so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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