Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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