Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
