So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
