all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
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