One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
