i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
