Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
