he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
