i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize