his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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